ur environment is created by what we tolerate, and when we let the small stuff slide, it compounds into bigger issues. Instead of allowing it to fester, we speak up. We verbalise when a situation feels uncomfortable, regardless of if it is happening to us, or to a stranger. We want to build an equal world for all and that will only be possible if we uphold the tenets of equality, together.
Racism. Sexism. Any other -isms. Bullying. Microaggressions. Injustice. Anything that labels a group of people and oppresses them unstopped, unchecked, and unconfronted will grow in your world like a fungus.
When you let things slide, perhaps because you think they’re small or insignificant, you’re setting expectations. You’re enforcing loose boundaries about what you’re willing to tolerate. It’s up to you to choose healthy expectations for yourself and others.
When I was younger, I was sometimes hesitant to speak up due to social expectations. Speaking up means standing out, setting yourself apart and completely going against human nature of being a social animal. We don’t want to stand out. A few millennia ago, going against the tribe came with the risk of getting kicked out, and no one could survive the wilderness and bitter cold. Being separated from the group could literally mean death but that fear no longer serves us. Staying within a tribe for the sake of it is no longer a matter of life or death as we can always find new communities, but it is a case of integrity.
Women are constantly under pressure to live under the guise of sugar, spice and all things nice. Women are expected to be dainty and polite. To be tolerant. Standing up against something that doesn't sit right with you isn't considered polite or agreeable for a woman. Don’t Let The Small Stuff Slide is about breaking through that fear, trusting your intuition and saying what you stand for.
Perhaps someone in a meeting said something a little off-key and at the time it slipped under your radar. It's not until you're home that night reflecting on the day that you realize how unprofessional their statement was, but as you’re no longer in the moment, you brush it off. Or you are frustrated with yourself because you didn’t formulate an immediate and clear response. That's okay because it takes time to start prepping comebacks for the things that make you feel uncomfortable. You’re learning a new language. Start writing down statements that you can repeat the next time it happens. Practice saying them in your head and visualise yourself saying them calmly the next time you witness an incident. It could be as simple as starting with “When you do that, it makes us feel…” and then stating why it’s not acceptable.
Over time you’ll realise that for it to have an impact, you must address the issue as soon as possible. I was completely nervous and sweaty the first time I had to reprimand someone for saying something completely unprofessional in the office. My voice was shaking as it was a senior leader, but I knew that if I didn’t, it would set a precedent for our company culture and it would affect how others viewed me as a leader. Addressing it privately and immediately would always be the best possible recourse of action but if you realize it after the fact, send a text to arrange a coffee with that colleague or actively try to bump into them the next day. In the frustrating public incidents where you’ll never see this person again, chalk it up to experience and you’ll be quick to pick up on it next time.
Eventually, you’ll train yourself to listen out for certain signals and catch these moments in their tracks because if you don’t, your delayed response will appear random and irrelevant. Imagine being out with the girls and they leave you on your own all night. You wake up feeling unloved and sad but don't say anything. You let it build up and annoy you. You continue to feel disrespected and a year later, while on a girly holiday, you have an outburst. They’re rightly going to respond: ‘What are you on about? What party?’ because for them, they were oblivious. The best time to have raised your grievance was when you woke up the next day and decided it didn’t work for you. Set your boundaries and take responsibility because resentment matures like a fine wine.
For me, the approach of tackling the small stuff head-on was key for me to feel like I was gaining authority in my personal affairs but also creating a company culture that I would be proud of.